Trust and Decision-Making

Decision-making and trusting your child’s decision-making are both skills that require a lot of practice. Mighty and I learn together at the swim park. She tries out new skills and depths while I bite my lip to keep my mouth shut.

I’ve been observing her over the past weeks as she has decided to conquer the deep end. Last week, she decided to get a life jacket for her first deep swim with a new friend. They floated a few times until they came back where they didn’t need jackets.

This week, she decided to go again with a lifejacket. She swam around a bit and then swam back to me at the other end. The life jacket was uncomfortable. She was going to go without one.

Oh, how I wanted to question this choice. She has only taken one swimming class 3 years ago. She ain’t qualified. But I’ve had many times to observe her mitigated fearlessness. She loves to test her limits, but she does it thoughtfully, listening to her body at all times.

I realize this statement is a test. She wants to know if I trust her to try this. So I nod, putting my book down and focusing my attention. I stay in my lounge chair, forcing my body language into a casual indifference but ready to jump in at a moment’s notice.

Her first few jumps are holding onto the ladder. The next jumps are right by the side so she can immediately grab it when she comes out of the water. Then she begins to jump on one side of the corner and swim to the other side, a space barely her body length stretched fully.

This is what I’m used to seeing from her. A goal set, a request to be affirmed, and then tentative, carefully measured steps until she gains confidence. Then she is off into amazing. Observing her is how I learn to trust her, even when what she wants is beyond my comfort level.

By the end of our day, she swam across the length of the pool with a new friend and had asked someone to teach her how to dive. After spending some time in the deep end by herself, she told me a new self-created rule – she would only swim in the deep end by herself.

She’s the dopest kid I know.