Summer Camp Friction

Mighty is in summer camp this week. She requested to go because she had fond memories of it from two summers ago. But that was before. Before I read “Raising Free People”. Before we started deschooling. Before we started on this journey to partner with our child on her experience of the world. I see that it’s really hard for her to participate in activities that don’t have liberation as an underlying methodology because there are so many areas of friction.

Like being required to stand in line to move places, asking permission to go to the restroom, people using their hands to place you or encourage you to move a certain way, being compelled to do things that don’t interest you but it’s the group activity, being compelled to align with the project outcome versus where your own interests take you, inability to take unstructured breaks because your body needs it.

We honestly did not consider this as a family before signing up.

And there are other areas, that are unexpected, unsurprising, but still like hmmm. For instance, Mighty wants to take beans or mac and cheese for lunch and heat it up in the microwave. But the microwave is off-limits for children. Why? We don’t know really, but let’s say safety. If there was an allergy or health issue, probably accommodations could be made. But you just regular-degular want something different? Nah, sis. No microwave for you.

We, even as parents, have to fight within ourselves to not fall back into the mindset of: You can just take something else that doesn’t need to be heated. It’s just a week. I mean, that’s just the rules. Maybe not THE RULES…since that wasn’t in the handbook. But somebody’s rule. If you do it, then everyone else will want to do it and then it’ll be…idk… inconvenient?? Just…don’t worry about it.

It’s a relatively small thing but in many ways, it’s not. All sources of friction are small in isolation. We have been taught to ignore those little pinches, those discomforts, those inconsistencies. But we also know that sustained friction builds a fire that seemingly comes out of nowhere. It looks like a “meltdown”, a tantrum, bad attitude, acting out, non-compliance, being dramatic, all the things that children, I mean, WE ALL, exhibit when it becomes too much.

So uhmm…why you even at camp if you don’t want to do what they doing at camp?

That’s a damn good question.

It is REALLY hard when you pay GOOD money for any activity and your child is like *womp*. And let’s be honest, we ALL (including her) NEED her to have something to do. But if this ain’t the move, do you force it?

I believe there is a way to participate in these types of activities but it requires more. More conversations between us, parents, about our values and how our actions and responses align with those values. More questions/ conversations between us and the facilitators about the structure and expectations. More conversations between us and Mighty about what she is hoping for out of her experience, what to expect in these environments, how to advocate for herself, and where are the places where she can flow that don’t go against her personal boundaries.

We all just figuring it out as we go.