Rhinestone Rainbow-Colored Purse

The other day, Mighty and I went back-to-school shopping. It caught me off guard. She used to be fine with whatever I picked up from Old Navy or Target. But this time she insisted on going shopping together.

It’s cute. She’s growing up and I get to be witness to all of these changes. So I’m watching, intrigued, as she critically peruses the backpacks. No more cartoon backpacks for her. It’s all pink and glitter now.

As we are leaving, she asks if she can get a purse. I’m amused. You want to buy a purse? Ok. Nothing in the kid section interests her. Then her eyes fall on a rhinestone rainbow-colored evening purse with a diamond-accented clasp and a long gold chain shoulder strap.

I’m like no. No. But whhhhyyy? It’s an evening bag. It’s not a kid’s purse. It’s for grown women. She’s frustrated. This barrier between the child world and the grown-up world doesn’t make sense. I empathize and assuage. We’ll keep looking for a purse, okay. Okay?

She sadly accepts and I hustle her up the front counter so we can purchase our other things. But I ain’t quite settled with my decision. We drive away and I’m still thinking about it. What exactly is wrong with this purse?

Is it a problem with the price? It was a bit more than I intended to spend, but not really a problem. Then what is it? It’s just not…appropriate. What makes it not appropriate? It’s for adults. Says who and why? They do. They will judge me.

And there is something else. There is a fear that I don’t want to acknowledge. Something about Black girls and being grown. I know it doesn’t make sense and it makes me feel uncomfortable to even consider it. I stuff it down and remind myself to shake off the external gaze.

But still, she don’t need it. Well, she wants it and you aren’t opposed to the price. So why you saying no? Go deeper.

It’s too tender. There are layers that go back to childhood. I didn’t always get what I wanted and had to make do with what I had. I’m scared of raising an entitled child. Too many yeses in a row and I feel like I need to hold back. But will THIS purse make her entitled?

Besides, when is the last time you wanted a pretty thing with your whole heart?

I turn the car around and we make our way back to the store. I explain that I think she should be able to have the purse she wanted, that I shouldn’t have said anything and she has great style. We buy it and of course, she has to wear it out of the store.

All of the concerns about the purse being for adults and the unwarranted fears about what that means melt away. She looks like a 9-year-old confidently wearing a rhinestone rainbow-colored evening bag in the middle of the day. Amazing, of course.