Parent Pick-Me Up
When I first saw this tweet, I was like, What’s the problem? My immediate response was to get a bit defensive for parents, but this #unschooling journey requires me to REALLY listen to children and reconsider some of the ways that we were parented. So I went through the comments.
The way I originally read this is – I, the parent, will take you and your friends to a place and then one of the other parents can bring you home. But those aren’t the situations that were described AND the comments showed how that puts children in such a vulnerable position.
A child wanting to go somewhere with their friends is a normal desire and need for social interaction, but it requires the support of adults to make that happen. They don’t drive and they may not have their own money. They need us.
A parent may not be able to accommodate the request for their child’s desires for a whole host of reasons which can include other children, other obligations, and also “I’m tired”. I’m very clear that being exhausted as a parent is a valid reason.
The problem is not that the parent can’t pick the child up, it’s the lack of partnership and problem-solving support. When we put the ownership of solely figuring things out on the child, we abdicate our parenting responsibility in that situation.
For example, a 14yo wants to go to the movies with a friend and needs to figure out how to get home. If she doesn’t have other family members that will assist, her other option is to ask her 14yo friend – who is also getting a ride from her parent.
14yo brains are still developing so they aren’t always going to ask those questions up front and get confirmation. That means a child is now somewhere without a firm way on how to get home. And scared to ask their parent for help.
I’ve actually seen this with my godchild, when picking her up from the movies, instead of one child, two children come to the car – Can you take my friend home? Well, what can the adult say at that point? If I say no, how is this child going to get home?
And the child is uncomfortable. They are embarrassed. They don’t have an answer to the questions about where their parents are or why they didn’t have a ride secured. They are aware that this is now a “situation” when all they wanted to do was have fun with their friends.
I have a 9yo so I haven’t had this issue quite yet, but I have fallen into the trap of feeling like my child is “old” enough to handle certain responsibilities that she hasn’t been ready for.
I have been disappointed that I wasn’t “done” with certain things since the expectations for children were different when I was a kid. #unschooling has really been showing me how adultism or parental privilege really impacts children living their best lives. We can do better.