Lately, Mighty has been saying, “my momma don’t care,” about a variety of things, and ion like it.

Recently she told Nana, “my momma don’t care how much candy I eat.” Another time she was eating all the snacks in the house with her friend, grabbing multiple things, saying, “we can eat alladis, my momma don’t care”. Another time she confidently told a friend with less screen time, “my momma lets me watch whatever I want.”

Each time I overhear this, I cringe a bit and try not to go into “let me get you straight since you think I don’t care” mode with neck rolling and finger snaps included. Especially since the friend inevitably comes and asks, “Is that true??”

I give a short explanation about how we do things and keep it pushing.

But what is really going on? I’m over here biting my lip and taking deep breaths and you taking my calmness for a weakness.

There are definite boundaries in our house. We have parental controls on channels. There is a general time for devices to be turned off. There are ways that we speak to each other with respect. There are certain foods that we keep stocked and things we don’t buy regularly. There are expectations around participating in communal chores.

We, her parents, most certainly care.

But within those boundaries, since they are often discussed and committed to, she has relative freedom. She comments about parents she interacts with and finds that we in many places allow more choice. That makes sense as we have been learning not to let our discomfort result in an immediate no and expand boundaries when needed. We have been teaching ourselves not to care about the things that generally, don’t really matter.

BTW – It sounds good, but I fail at this all the time. See the purse story for example.

On the flip side, what I also hear is uncertainty. What does Mommy actually care about?

It’s a good question. Deschooling has required me to gain more clarity on the values that guide my decisions. But, I’ve been so focused on getting rid of the bullshit that I haven’t been clear on my absolutes.

And also, ain’t the point is that she feels like she can do what she wants? Why does that bother you that she feels free and tells other people?

I see the value in us, as a family, having a shared set of values that we all know and understand. Domari Dickinson has provided us a workbook on “Creating a Family Mission Statement.” It might be about that time.

That way I don’t have to embarrass this child in front of nobody. Just kidding. Maybe. I’m unfinished.

#deschooling #deschoolingoutloud #consciousparenting