Some of us have a deep discomfort with cutting a Black girl’s hair.

Like anything that falls under parenting decisions, how our children wear their hair is intertwined with our relationship with our own hair and society’s view of it.

That external gaze is a mug.

I put a lot of emphasis on Mighty having a positive relationship with her hair. I read her colorful children’s books about natural hair. I looked for representation of little girls with natural hair in cartoons and tv shows. I bought posters, notebooks, and t-shirts with girls in afro puffs and braids. I did all the styles and configurations – beads, barrettes, braids, twists-ups, twist-outs, blowouts, pinups, straight, and curly. I wanted her to know that her hair, in all of its different manifestations was fancy enough for every day or special occasions alike.

And she had that “good” hair too. The type that curls, not kinks, at the neck. Her baby hair be poppin’. She had fullness and length, shrinkage be damned.

Her hair was all the things that young Maleika, a tall, skinny, dark-skinned Black girl with stubby, nappy pigtails that wouldn’t grow, coveted.

Clearly, I was invested in this hair thing. My stuff was tangled all up in it.

So when all that work still ended up in a tearful plea to cut it, I felt like I failed. I didn’t succeed in maintaining this beautiful head of hair. I didn’t figure out how to make combing her hair an enjoyable experience. I ruined it. I didn’t get her to love her hair.

Well, that was a whole ass lie. What she ACTUALLY said was getting it done hurt her head, no matter how tenderly it was worked on. That it took too much time. That it was overwhelming for her when she tried to comb it herself. That her father and I had short hair and didn’t have to deal with it so why should she.

Okay…all good points.

But I still wasn’t quite ready. I had a bit more #deschooling to do. I was unpacking the idea that little girls are supposed to look a certain way. I was questioning why “appropriate” for little Black girls is limited to beads, baubles, braids, twists, and maybe some weave to make the braids longer. I was learning to release control and make peace with the idea that my child has the authority to make decisions about her body, especially one as temporary as a haircut. I was preparing to protect her from what others might say. Especially and particularly, other adults that have deep discomfort with cutting a Black girl’s hair.

And then one day, I was there. It’s interesting how it takes so much time to get a space and when you get there you look back and wonder why you had so much resistance.

#deschooling #deschoolingoutlout #consciousparenting #boundaries