It’s not easy to transition to being an unschooling family but I suspect it’s way easier during a pandemic when you are usually in the house away from other people. Now that we are venturing out in the world, it’s putting some of my unschooling/conscious parenting principles to the test.

I found this happening last weekend when we were attending an online conference. Mighty wanted to keep typing in the Zoom chat or come off of mute to respond to the speaker – you know, like we as adults do when we are online meetings. We add our thoughts, keep the conversation going, make jokes, right?

But it was soooo easy to revert to “Stop doing that. You supposed to be listening.” I had to check myself more than a few times. Upon reflection, here are a couple of things that I pulled from this experience:

One, for Mighty to type, that puts her in control of the computer. As an adult, I’m used to being IN CONTROL of the computer when we are on there together – where it sits, how we are framed in the video, and what shows up under my name in the chat. Even though the conference was for us both, OUR experience of the conference was being managed by me. And…that ain’t a shared experience if she isn’t able to maneuver to make it enjoyable for her.

Two, I stay fighting against that spirit of comparison. Based on that tiny glimpse that shows up on the Zoom screen, it looks like all the other children are sitting at attention and listening quietly. Logically, I know it ain’t true, and even if it is, that just ain’t my child but still, I be feeling CHALLENGED.

I had to remind myself that looking attentive is not the same as being engaged. She was actively listening which is why she wanted to respond. She’s dope so she has great insights and good feedback. Isn’t that what we want, right? Right??

Three, our perception of that external gaze drives so much of our parenting decisions. I have to continue to remind myself that my BEST parenting is when Mighty shows up authentically and feels supported by her parents. And that often looks like the complete opposite of what I have been taught good parenting looks like.