I’m tired.

We are purging Mighty’s room to get ready for redecorating. This is the first time I’m really including her in this process. I’ve gotten rid of toys before in fits of frustration about cleaning or as punishment. She remembers and I can honestly admit those were not my best moments. So as we continue on this path of consent and autonomy, that also means partnering with her to purge the things that belong to her.

I’ve introduced her to the Marie Kondo method of picking up one item and seeing if it brings her joy. So I am breathing and trying to maintain my composure as she ponders every single broken toy from McDonald’s, every random Barbie doll shoe, every cheap ass piece of costume jewelry…I hate it here!

At the same time, she is thoughtful about the things she keeps, naming who gave her something or where she got it. She has a bunch of my post-it note drawings from when I started back to full-time work and could no longer do morning drop-offs. When I pushed back against another key chain, she forcefully said her Nana gave it to her. I sat and watched her dress a doll that she planned on giving away so the new owner would have a cute dress. Some things were given away, but only with a picture of her holding it first.

We’ve only done two containers. We have the REST of the room! *sigh*

There were many things that I was sure she had outgrown that she refused to get rid of. It’s a reminder that she has her own sense of value and just because it doesn’t align with mine doesn’t make it wrong. As I was writing this, I had to pause and get this one toy that she wanted to keep but I pushed her to put it in the giveaway pile.

I SAID it was a journey. I ain’t all the way there yet.